Looking After Your Loved Ones During the Holidays
A festive pause, and a quiet kind of vigilance
There is something about this time of year that makes everything feel louder and softer all at the same time.
The calendar speeds up, the to do lists multiply, and the days can become a blur of travel, food, phone calls, work deadlines, family dynamics, and the small emotional highs and lows we all carry. Yet alongside all that bustle, the festive period also creates pockets of stillness. A walk in the cold air. A long car journey, or a train journey. The moment you notice an empty chair. The familiar song that catches you off guard.
It is in those quieter moments that I find myself reflecting on responsibility.
Not the heavy, joyless kind. More the everyday responsibility we have to ourselves and to each other, the one that shows up in small decisions, tiny kindnesses, and the willingness to pay attention. The one that says: I will look out for you, and I will let you look out for me.
That is why The Dementia Trust’s Planning Ahead campaign feels especially relevant at this time of year. Because planning ahead is not simply about paperwork. It is about care. It is love, expressed in practical form. It is choosing, while we can, to make later life less frightening and less complicated for the people we care about, and for ourselves.
The season of gathering can also be the season of noticing
For many families, the festive period means people come together who have not seen each other for months. That can be wonderful, but it can also be revealing.
You might notice a change you had not expected. A relative who seems more withdrawn. Someone who repeats the same story more often than usual. A person who was always confident in the kitchen now hesitates or becomes anxious when there are too many voices at once. A partner who is usually quick with witticisms seems tired, a little lost, or unusually short tempered.
Sometimes this will be nothing more than stress, grief, exhaustion, or the normal strain of a busy season. But sometimes it is something else. Sometimes it is an early sign that someone is struggling with memory, processing, or confidence. And sometimes it is the reminder that dementia is not only about forgetting names. It can be about finding the right word, coping with noise, navigating social situations, managing time, and holding onto a sense of safety.
Vigilance, in this context, is not suspicion. It is not hovering, and it is certainly not “testing” someone with questions to see if they get the answer right. Vigilance is gentle attentiveness. It is noticing without judgement, then responding with kindness.
It is asking yourself, quietly: What might be going on for them, and what would help right now?
Our responsibilities start with how we show up
At festive gatherings, it can be tempting to power through. To keep things “normal”. To move quickly from one activity to the next. But for someone living with dementia, or someone beginning to show signs of cognitive change, the speed and intensity of the season can be genuinely hard.
Showing up well can look like this:
Slowing the pace, even slightly, so the person can keep up without feeling rushed.
Offering calm choices rather than open ended questions, like “Would you like tea or coffee?” instead of “What do you want?”
Keeping an eye on fatigue, because tiredness can amplify confusion and distress.
Protecting dignity, especially if someone becomes muddled or says something unexpected.
Creating small anchors of familiarity, a favourite mug, a regular seat, a quiet room they can retreat to.
These are not dramatic acts. They are small adjustments that say: you are safe here, and you still belong here.
And we also have responsibilities to ourselves. Caring can be emotionally demanding, particularly when it is mixed with grief, worry, or the weight of family history. Planning ahead is partly about easing that future burden. It reduces the chances of crisis decisions, conflict, or uncertainty later on.
Planning ahead is a gift, not a prediction
One of the hardest things about conversations like Power of Attorney is that they can feel like an admission of fear. People worry it sounds as if we are expecting the worst. That is not what it is.
Planning ahead is simply acknowledging reality with compassion. It is saying: life can change quickly, and we want to be ready in a way that protects choice, dignity, and relationships.
If you have ever been in the position of trying to help someone when you do not have the legal authority to do so, you will understand how quickly practical issues can become overwhelming. Banking. Bills. Appointments. Housing decisions. Care arrangements. Even accessing information can become complicated. In Scotland, having Power of Attorney in place can make an enormous difference, but it needs to be arranged while a person still has capacity to grant it.
That is why Planning Ahead focuses on earlier, calmer, more confident conversations. Not panic planning. Not last-minute decisions. Just steady, thoughtful preparation.
It is not about taking control away from someone. It is about making sure their wishes are known, respected, and legally supported if they ever need help.
A gentle invitation for this festive season
During the festive period, when you find a quiet moment, consider these questions:
If something changed for me, who would I trust to act on my behalf?
Have I made it easy for the people I love to help me, if I ever needed support?
Is there someone in my family, friendship group, or community who might be struggling, and could benefit from a little more understanding and patience?
What would planning ahead look like for us, in a way that feels respectful, not frightening?
You do not need to solve everything in one conversation. You just need to begin.
When we talk about being vigilant for and with people living with dementia, I think what we really mean is: “I see you, I hear you, and you are not alone.”
If this festive season gives you even one quiet hour, use it to start a Planning Ahead conversation
Pick one person you trust and say: “In the new year, can we talk about Power of Attorney and what matters most to me if I ever needed help?”
Book a simple next step: set a date, gather key information, and if appropriate contact a solicitor to explore putting Power of Attorney in place while decisions are still yours to make.
Share this with a loved one: check in with a friend or relative who might be putting it off and offer to do it together.
Planning Ahead is a practical act of love. Start now, while the conversation can be calm
How you can support our vision
Help support others in learning about the importance of Power of Attorney:
📖 Read more about Power of Attorney – Learn about this vital piece of protection and our Planning Ahead Campaign.
📲 Share our story – Amplify our work by sharing, following and talking about our mission.
✅ Join us – Get in touch to explore how your expertise, network or organisation could contribute to the next phase of our journey.
💜 Donate – Help us fund bold ideas that improve the lives of people living with dementia.
Together, we can continue to accelerate progress, support innovation and reimagine what is possible for people living with dementia.